Finding Light In The Blackout

My creative output for the past several months has been pretty much nonexistent. Even as I type this, I worry that I won't be able to convey exactly just how fucking difficult it's been - and still is - because my brain is all fog and no substance. But I'm better than I was a… Continue reading Finding Light In The Blackout

I've Lost My Anchor

'Don't bother, you stupid fuck, nobody gives a shit whether they hear from you or not.' That's what depression is telling me as I write this from my bed. But I'm pressing on regardless. It's been over four months since I started feeling depressed, only this time has been worse than any of the other… Continue reading I've Lost My Anchor

I’m Not Ok

I'm quietly freaking out at the moment. I'm sick, sick to death of coming to the end of each day and asking myself, 'well, what was that for?' I've reduced my sertraline over the past two weeks, and while the fog has dispersed slightly, I'm still struggling to feel, I'm struggling to create, I'm struggling… Continue reading I’m Not Ok

Mind In The Dark : Good Things That Have Happened This Weekend

One of the things that I don’t think many people know about me is that I live in a constant state of severe anxiety. It affects pretty much every moment of my waking and sleeping (yes, it gets me in my dreams too) life. The moments when I don’t feel suffocated by the pressure of… Continue reading Mind In The Dark : Good Things That Have Happened This Weekend

An Evening Walk

I had an alright day yesterday. Feels uber weird writing that. But I did. Well, until about 5pm when my mood went downhill too fast for me to try and snatch it back. I'd wanted to go for an evening walk, catch some autumn textures with my camera and watch some spiders spinning. I'd been… Continue reading An Evening Walk

You’re Doing Ok, Wolf Heart

It's my birthday today. I'm 33. I'm also perhaps the most depressed that I've been in as long as I can remember. This depression that I've been experiencing isn't the same as what I'm used to though. The tides of grief feel different somehow and I don't know why. And these tides terrify me. Every… Continue reading You’re Doing Ok, Wolf Heart

When I Can’t I Do

Nearly a month ago, I was taken off the medication I’d been on for ten years – citalopram and quetiapine – because the combination of the two was having a worrying effect on my heart. My mood was also as low as low could go, so my doctor wanted to see if something else could… Continue reading When I Can’t I Do

DIY In The Dark : Icicle Earrings

My moods have been cycling so rapidly recently that I don't know which way is up. I have to repeatedly ask what day/date it is and I'm zoning out all the time. Waking up crying has become the norm and I'm being referred to a heart specialist because the medication I've been on for ten… Continue reading DIY In The Dark : Icicle Earrings